Nightmares
by ciTohCysP
Summary: Carolina's been having nightmares, so Church offers to show her one of his instead. When she opens her eyes, she's in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. The canyon floor is covered in a thin layer of grass that's struggling to grow, and on each end there's a round base. "This is my nightmare." He says contently. (WARNING: Canon character death, mild swearing, and spoilers.)


**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs Blue.**

"Speaking"

'_Thoughts_'

**Authors Notes**

It's always the same.

First she sees her mother and father. They're at home eating breakfast, just like they somehow managed to do every morning before they set off on their busy days. She sees her mother's smiling face and her strawberry blonde hair as she stuffs toast with butter and jam into her mouth, saying something rude to her father who only laughs and smiles.

Then the scene fades. She is standing at her mother's grave. Her father's hand is gripping hers tightly till the point where it hurts, but she doesn't notice. Her whole body feels numb and tears are running down her cheeks, blurring the inscription on her mothers grave until she can no longer read it. Every time she closes her eyes she sees the cold stone letters engraved on the back of her eyelids.

Here lies Allison Beth Church

Loving mother and wife

May she rest in peace

Then she is in club Errera, the orange lights pulsing and dance music shaking the whole building. She walks up to the bar and orders a drink, something strong but she can't quite remember what. She doesn't even notice the man sitting next to her until he pulls out a lighter, flicking it on and off over and over again. She glances over at him from the corner of her eye and he looks bored out of his skull as he continues to endlessly flick the lighter on and off, on and off, on and off. Now she is starting to get irritated, on an off, on and-

"Hey!" he exclaims as she snatches the lighter right out of his hand.

She is going to say something but the words die in her throat as scene fades. She is now aboard the _Mother of Invention_, trillions of lightyears from her home planet, Earth. She stands up straight, back rigid in a line of soldiers all wearing state of the art spartan armor. The Director paces slowly back and forth in front of them, scolding them harshly for a failed mission. Even as he passes in front of her with a cold, stern expression, she can't help but think back to the man in the kitchen, eating breakfast and smiling.

She doesn't even notice the scene change this time but now she finds herself face to face with Tex, staring into the orange visor of her black helmet and seeing her own reflection stare right back at her, hate glowing in her green eyes. She wishes she could stick a knife into her chest. So badly she wants to wrap her hands around the other woman's neck, strangle her till she gasps for breath and pleas for her life. She wants to take everything away from her and watch as the life fades from her eyes.

She wants to be there when she dies. She wants to be the one to kill her.

This time the scene fades quickly, everything turning pitch black at once until slowly she regains her vision, and this time she is at the Insurrectionist base and CT is there fighting for her life. They trade blows in quick succession, kicks and punches, blows from her buzz baton and slashes from her knife. They dance in the low light from the overhead LED bulbs until Tex and the insurrectionist leader gets caught up in their fight. Now it's a rapid battle, every move is frantic and lighting fast until CT uses her ability again. Creating a holographic version of herself, she hesitates for a split second and in that moment Tex sees an opportunity. She grabs the folding tomahawk that was left wedged in a metal crate and yanks it out with ease. She sprints forward and swings with the axe, hitting CT and sending her staggering back, then in a still moment of horror she throws it with all her strength. Time slows down for her as she watches the blade move slowly, end over end, until it strikes the hard brown plating on CT's chest plate. The force from the blow sends CT flying backwards, smashing into the wall where she lands with a horrible thud.

She puts her hand on Tex's shoulder. "What the hell are you doing!"

Tex responds coldly with, "completing the objective."

The world fades to black as she growls, "by killing a teammate?"

The world comes back in a flash of light. Now she is floating in a anti-gravity operating chamber on the medical bay of the _Mother of Invention_. She feels a painful prick at back of her neck and winces, but she doesn't make a sound. She's taken far worse hits in combat so now this, which would make a civilian scream in pain, fails to even phase her. Slowly, they insert the dark blue chip marked with Project Freelancer's symbol in the back of her neck and she feels a buzzing all throughout her head as the technology clicks into place, a tingling sensation that consumes her thoughts. Gradually a pressure builds up in the far back of her mind, like someone was pressing against her brain with an invisible wall. She smiles numbly and her vision fades. Her last conscious thought is '_Hello, Iota_.'

When she opens her eyes she floats around the gravity free hallways with ease, while white clad soldiers fumble around and struggle to stay upright she sails right past them, making her way deeper and deeper into the _Mother of Invention_.

She always hates this part.

She flies down a corridor and into the elevator shaft, landing gently on the platform below.

"Carolina," a gentle voice calls out to her from the shadows.

She really hates his part.

She pulls out both her plasma rifles from her hip in one fluid motion as she stands, aiming them in the direction of the familiar voice. She doesn't know if she can trust him. York steps out of the shadows, his gun clutched loosely in hand. He almost seems… tired.

"Let's not do this… It doesn't have to be this way!" he tries, but she doesn't lower her guard.

"What are you doing here?" Carolina asks, ignoring his last offer. "Why are you helping _her_?!"

"It's not about her!" York argues, "I'm trying to do the right thing, you should to!"

"I _am _doing the right thing!" she spits out, every word like venom. "_I'm_ not _deserting_."

Now she looks at him, really looks at him. In the waking world, this was the last time she ever saw him, but in her dreams, she sees him every night, just like this. His tan armor looks worn and ragged under the artificial light and the white trim is faded and chipped. He truly looks _tired_.

"She just wants your AI, York," she says, her voice wavering as she tries to turn him to her side in the matter. "She already went after Wyoming."

"Is that what they told you?!" York whispers in shock.

"I'm going to stop her," she says determinedly, as the elevator starts to move smoothly downwards. "I have to."

"You don't have to prove anything!" York reassures her, putting his gun on his back. "Come on, let's leave this place! We can get you help! We can get those damn things out of your head!" Then after a seconds pause, "...you can trust me."

"Maybe," she said, raising her plasma rifle to his visor, "but you can't trust me."

She feels tears brimming in her eyes but she chokes them back as he looks down for a moment, then springs into action, twisting the rifle out of her hand and sending it floating away as he broke out into a small half hearted battle with her, sparring on the moving elevator.

They trade blows, both of them not wanting to go on, but unable to stop themselves. Carolina sends out a series of leisurely kicks and York easily blocks each one, until in a surge of determination she kicks him in the back of the head, sending him to the floor. He hits the ground hard and bounces slightly. Now he is floating slowly but he makes no attempt to get back to her. He just stares at her as he floats further and further away.

"Carolina…"

A single tear spills from her watery green eyes and she kicks him hard in the chest. He gasps and spins upwards quickly, getting farther and farther away from her. She looks up, then reaches down and pulls a small object from the back of her waist. She looks at it for just a moment before she tosses it up with him. She watches the grey and red lighter fly skyward until the elevator comes to a stop then she bolts off in search of Tex.

As the scene fades to black she whispers, "goodbye, York."

When she opens her eyes she is surrounded by flurries of snow. She is falling. There's a sharp pain in the back of her neck and her head is pounding, it feels like she's missing something, it feels like she is only a fraction of herself.

She hears Tex scream like a mother losing her child, "NO!"

At first it's terrifying, she's falling from a snowy cliff and both her AI are gone, but a strange serene calmness sets in sooner than she would have expected.

Time seems to slows down for her and the most prominent thought that crosses her mind is '_So, this is it. This is how I die._'

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh as her world fades to black.

This time she doesn't open her eyes, instead she just sits in the blackness and listens to the echoing voice as it carries over from the abandoned Island Fortress.

"I would've told her… That I understand why she did what she did. I just wish she hadn't. I wish she could've learned to let things go." He pauses, "I guess I should too."

York's audio recording fades but she keeps her eyes shut. She can't stand this next part, she could never bear to see what the Director had become, but she relived it every night, those final moments of his life.

"Carolina?" She hears Epsilon's voice coming from behind her but she keeps her eyes closed just listening."Man sis, you dream of some pretty fucked up shit."

She snaps her eyes open and whips around to stare at Epsilon in shock, this isn't part of the dream. He is standing not as a holo projection like she usually sees him, not even in full armor as if he were inhabiting a robot shell. He is human, flesh and bone. He looks like a younger version of the Director almost, the man who once laughed and smiled and ate toast around a kitchen table.

"No wonder Theta said you've been having nightmares," he says with a shake of his head. "Is this the same dream you have _every night_?"

"Epsilon! Get out of my head!" she growled at him, glaring daggers.

"Woah! I was just checking in on you!" he says defensively, raising his hands even though she can't hurt him."Your vitals said you were freaking out, so I got… worried."

Her gaze softens but she is still mad so she turns away from him.

"Just get out."

She doesn't want anyone else to have to relive her life with her, all the horrible things she's seen and done. This is _her _punishment on the long road back to good.

There is a short silence and she thinks he may have left but any hopes of that is discarded when he says, "Come here."

She turns on her heel to yell at him but stops short when she finds his hand extended towards her, a peace offering, but she only resorts to glaring at him again, making no movement to accept his offer, distrust glowing like smoldering embers in her eyes.

"Oh for Gods' sakes," he says exasperated and blinks out of existence, appearing right next to her.

Before she can object he grabs her hand from her side, grasping it firmly in his own as the scene changes again.

When she opens her eyes she is in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere that she has never seen before in her life. The canyon floor is covered in a thin layer of green grass that's struggling to grow in the hot weather, and on each end of the canyon there is a small round base, one covered in blue lights and the other colored red.

"This… This is my nightmare," he says slowly, but his tone is almost content.

"Doesn't seem so bad to me." She says slowly and Church flashes her a smile.

"I mean, hell… If you have to live the rest of your life in a memory, you might as well make it a good one."

**I was originally gonna make this as a quick drabble to kill three birds with one stone, one being to practice writing Carolina for an upcoming full length fic I'm working on, two was to try out future tense, or present tense or whatever this kind of writing style is, and three was to get some s12e11 feels out of my system but I actually had a really good (if by '**_**good' **_**I mean 'cry-my-eyes-out-when-I-search-up-old-episodes-for-reference' then yes, good) time writing this and I think it's possibly my favorite stories I've written to date.**

**Everyone, say hi to my super awesome beta TheSupernova who betas all my stuff and even writes her own fanfiction so you should go check her out!**

**If you like the story please favorite and reviews always help me keep putting out awesome stories like this one!**


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